If it’s not my child and it’s not your child… so who is it?

Moderator - John Boiano - iParent Chairperson, peaceful activist and independent consultant to school systems on creating and sustaining a positive and supportive culture.

What do you think of when you think of a bully… who are they, where are they, who are the victims and who are the perpetrators? School systems seem to think that it’s the parent’s fault and parents tend to think the blame lies at school. In fact, both are correct!

Behind bullying, there is judgment towards others.One of the “HOT” topics in 7th – 12th grade is that students are often judged and bullied by their use of drugs and alcohol.Depending on their peer group, you’re either cool if you use OR cool if you don’t.I hear many stories how a friend turns on another because of drug and alcohol use.When you are picked on or excluded because you don’t partake, you’re being bullied!

You may find some of the statistics about bullying surprising:

• We often think bullying is a physical act but in 90% of the cases it is the use of words or actions that are most hurtful.
• Cyber bullying is the fastest growing type of bullying, surprisingly over 70% is being done by girls to girls, can you guess why?... are you familiar with the Megan Meier story?Look it up online.
• 1 out of 10 students surveyed admits staying home from school for fear of being bullied.A government statistic states160,000 children skip school each year to avoid being bullied with thousands more going to school in fear every day.
• In my No Bullies Allowed assemblies 99% of the students and teachers raise their hands when asked if they witness acts of meanness every week at their school.
• In the U.S., children are targets of verbal or physical harassment about once every five minutes.
• 60% of bullies in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24

Bullies are much more likely than others to carry a weapon to school, grow up being criminals, significantly more likely to engage in violent assaults on others, drop out of school, smoke, use drugs and drink alcohol, get into fights and vandalize property.

A bullied student also is more likely to use drugs and alcohol as an escape than a non-bullied student.

There are many signs a child may portray if they are being bullied.One is they start pulling back from you and society by drinking and doing drugs to either escape the pain and/or to try to fit in.Children are good at pulling the wool over our eyes to pretend that it’s not happening to them.Some choose to hide because they are afraid of being demeaned by a parent or guardian for not living up to their expectations.If a child feels listened to, there is a less likely chance that they will use drugs or alcohol in an un-safe manner.What are some of the ways that work for you in listening to your child/children?

I’m wondering in our own community what people think are the unsafe places for students to hang out…and what do you think makes them unsafe?Has your child ever been bullied?How did you know?

REMEMBER… Bullying often exists because we allow it to!

For more information and articles visit my website: nobulliesallowed.com to find down-loadable sheets on topics from conversation starters and suggested reading to self-assessment and help for your kids on how to handle themselves in the face of meanness.