Listening isn't the same as hearing
I read recently that business people spend roughly 40% of their day listening. That sounds like a lot, but when you really begin thinking about it, it's probably correct. You listen while in meetings, on the phone, in the car (to the radio?), etc. That's a lot of time spent listening. But how much of that time is spent really hearing.
Pondering my own two kids and their technological gadgets and gizmos like cell phones which they text on, computers which they talk to their friends.... when I want to have a conversation with them, it is sometimes difficult to compete for their attention. My son, in particular, always tries to convince me that he has heard every word I've said, while he has his headphones in listening to his iPod. But is he really hearing me? Do I feel heard? NO!
And that is what I have tried to instill in my kids. Even though they are sure that they have heard every word I've said, the fact is I don't feel heard. Perception is reality. And I'm not convinced that they really have heard me. What ever happened to intentional listening?
I sometimes find myself trying to talk on the phone while reading an email or finishing up writing something I started before the phone call. No wonder my kids are doing the same. I'm modeling the very behavior that they are now exhibiting to me! To paraphrase Oprah....I've had an "aha" moment. Going forward, I promise the following:
1) I will be in the present. When someone is talking to me, I will listen with all my being.
2) I will not try to anticipate what they are going to say and formulate my response before they are done saying their piece
3) I will give up my preconceived notions about what they are going to say, opening me up to perspectives I've never considered
I think in today's fast paced world, full of technological gizmos, sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind and forget what is most important: our relationships with each other.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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